Healing the Soul-Wounds of Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACoA)

Healing the Soul-Wounds of Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACoA)

Growing up in a family system wrecked by addiction causes life-long, often unhealed and infected soul-wounds. For those given this legacy, referred to as Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACoA), the foundation of their identity is deeply shaped by the caregiver’s substance abuse.

The child loses the consistent loving presence and nurturing from a caregiver who used to be there for them. Once the caregiver has fully given over to their addiction, the person’s personality changes, sometimes permanently, leaving the child with a person who feels foreign and dangerous. They may sense that the caregiver they knew is still inside somewhere, but over time they experience a sense of abandonment. Their felt experience of being witnessed, loved, held, and nurtured is lost while the caregiver turns to substances instead of caring for the child.

The “Diseased Tree” of Family Addiction

Until the addicted person recognizes their addiction and commits themselves to lifelong sobriety, the family suffers, often by themselves—alone and ashamed. For a child, it is akin to being a companion plant growing up beside a diseased tree: the plant grows up in partial sunlight, suddenly subjected to disease. The plant may not be able to grow up, but may grow out, trying to find full sunlight. It needs nutrient-dense soil and enough water and sunlight to develop into a healthy, vibrant plant.

As children, they are left to raise themselves—filling in the gaps of how life works without the tools or the support to get there. This can happen even when there is a sober caregiver present, as they often struggle with their own loss. Underneath the pain and weariness of “keeping it all together on the outside,” is the immense grief of losing the caregiver they once knew and loved. This experience often results in complex childhood trauma.

The Adult Legacy: ACoA Emotional Challenges

In adulthood, the ACoA often grows up not knowing who they are because they didn’t feel safe in their homes when family dysfunction was present. They long for love and acceptance from others and worry that they don’t come across, or interact with the world like “normal people” because their homes didn’t feel “normal.” There is an emotional, mental, spiritual, and physical cost to living with a loved one in the thick of addiction that doesn’t “just go away over time.”

Healing requires persistence: a dedication to learning to love and accept oneself at all costs, and a willingness to trust and allow others into their lives. It is a commitment to changing old scripts and attitudes that keep them believing lies about their worth and preciousness—lies that they developed about themselves.

Healing also requires learning about how their child-like survival strategies that kept them safe as kids have limitations, and now fail to provide them with what they need in adulthood. It can feel like a slow, arduous process of two steps forward and three steps back, but healing will grow as they persevere, yielding to love and connection with themselves in the process.

Finding Support in Phoenix

If you are navigating the complexities of the ACoA journey, you don’t have to do it alone. We provide a space for deep healing and trauma recovery for those living in Downtown Phoenix, Central Phoenix, the Biltmore area, and the rest of the Valley. 

If you are looking for support and assistance to reclaim your worth, our office is here to help you find the sunlight.